Take 2 (Esme)

[Judas]

He smiled when she kissed his cheek. It wasn't a smirk or a grimace, a real smile for the first time in he couldn't remember how long. It felt good to smile after all this time. No, it felt good to have something to smile about. This girl had accepted him even though she knew all of his secrets. Either she was crazy or he'd been overreacting for thousands of years, either way he didn't really care.

The fact that it had only been a few hours surprised him. It seemed like days or weeks. Now he saw why the vampire had told her so much, it was impossible not to respond to that bright attitude. It was like moths to a light, or a drowning man and a final breath of fresh air. No matter what analogy he used, the simple fact was that he was hooked. His common sense screamed at him to run. She was human, she'd die but he was tired of listening, tired of trying to distance himself from something that felt so good.

"So, when do you move in?" He asked after a bit to try and get rid of some of the tension after the most recent of his little outbursts.

[Esme M. Lolland]

Esme smiled when she saw the smile on Judas's face, "See," she said, "I told you that it was so much easier to smile than it is to frown." It was good to see a smile on his face, for some reason or another it seemed so right. Maybe it was right because it had been gone for so long.

She thought about how much had truly happened, he had at first regretted being anywhere near her and tried driving her away and now they were so close. She couldn't figure if they were just two souls drawn to be close like they were or if she was finally coming out of her shell, but she wasn't going to complain, no matter what the case was.

Judas had asked when she was moving in and Esme started to think back, she couldn't quite remember the day exactly... just that she was to move in with the Council. She remembered that fact, that she might be taught by Jonas, that she wouldn't be allowed to be alone with Jonas and that she was keeping her apartment. She had no idea when she was moving in, though. "Soon, I'd assume. I don't quite remember the date. Either Morgan or Vlad would most likely tell me when it nearer to moving day," she paused and realized something, "Would that be awkward? I mean, me moving into your home and all?"

[Judas]

"Well, aren't you a know it all." He winked to show her that it was a joke. She was right, it was easier to smile than to frown. It was an uplifting feeling, like his attitude had lifted with the corners of his mouth. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the pain ruined his good mood again.

With a grimace he pulled out a cigarette. "Do you mind?" He asked. He didn't have his flask so the smoking was the next vice in line. He'd heard somewhere that kissing a smoker was like licking an ashtray. Funny, Esme didn't seem to be complaining.

He nodded when she said that Morgan or Vlad would be letting her know when she was to move in and then laughed when she asked if it would be awkward. Obviously Vlad hadn't explained the situation of his blood donors. New people were always coming in and out of that manor every century or so. Or had she meant would it be awkward because of the kiss they'd shared? Either way, the answer was the same. "Nah, the manor's big enough to house the council plus ten. If I get tired of you then there's always an empty room for me to hide in." He smirked but his sad eyes held the humor of the joke for a moment or two.

[Esme M. Lolland]

"Yes, I am a know-it-all, comes with being part of a family of lawyers," Esme joked back, sticking out her tongue. Esme thought it was fun actually having someone she could joke like this with again, she hadn't felt comfortable enough with anyone in London to do this. Being able to play like this now, it felt like she had lost a part of herself in the move and she was just now unpacking that box.

Judas pulled out a cigarette and asked if she minded, "Not at all, go ahead." Truth was, she didn't mind. Phillippos had been a smoker, and the only thing that probably bothered her about this small action was that the only man she had ever loved that wasn't a member of her family had this small vice. Watching Judas pull out that box of cigarettes, the same type as Phillippos, so many memories were brought back, good ones and even the bad. Esme swallowed, choking back the memories physically and looked at the flowers they were passing.

Esme looked at Judas when he said he could leave if he was bored with her, she didn't know whether to believe it as truth or not. He looked like he was joking so Esme laughed courteously and smiled as she looked away. She didn't want him to see that a statement like that had hurt her much more than he thought. It hurt because a man who she had loved who happened to smoke the same brand of cigarettes left her when he became bored with her. She bit her lip, trying not to draw attention to herself.

[Judas]

He pulled out the pack and lit a cigarette, watching as the end started to burn a dull red. Judas inhaled, making the tip glow brighter, and sighed as he exahled letting the smoke leave his mouth in twisting patterns that floated up until they were no longer visible.

When he looked back down, it was obvious that Esme was in pain. Not the physical kind, but emotional. She hid it well but it was easy to spot for someone who knew what to look for. Judas knew what to look for and he saw it without even trying. He heard her swallow back tears and finally turned her to face him, using the hand he still held.

Her eyes were overly wet, though no tears had spilled down her cheeks yet. What had he said? What had he done? One minute they were kissing...and the next...The pain on her face tore him in two. It was horrible, wrong to see hurt on the face of a girl who was so sweet, caring, pure.

"What's wrong?" He saw that stubborn look on her face. "And don't tell me it's nothing, I won't believe you."

[Esme M. Lolland]

Esme tried her hardest to fight back the tears without Judas noticing. She didn't want to worry him with her problems, compared to his her's were the problems of a child. There was no way on earth that he should bother to worry about her; her feelings never mattered to anyone before in her life, Judas shouldn't be an exception to that rule.

She was turned around by Judas and she tried her hardest to avoid eye contact. But he noticed it, he was too observant for his own good. "Noth..." she started to say, but she was stopped by him explaining he wouldn't accept it that easily.

She took a deep breath, what could she tell him without angering him, without forcing him to care too much. "It's just stupid boys," she bit her lip and took a deep breath, "I... you..." she gave up, resistance was futile, "He smoked the same brand. He smoked the same brand and then he left me when he was tired of me. I... it... brought up bad memories." She tried to give him a broken smile, "I'm sorry. It doesn't matter... really. Forget it ever happened."

[Judas]

He raised an eyebrow. That 'stupid boy' must have meant a lot to this girl for her to be this upset. He mentally kicked himself for buying that particular brand of cigs. What were the odds? He knew he couldn't have possibly known but still it somehow felt like his fault.

Whoever this boy was, he didn't know what he'd given up. Looking at the girl in front of him, Judas didn't know how he could have. He hoped the guy had some serious misfortune in the near future for the pain he'd caused his....what was Esme to him? A friend? More? He didn't think they were just friends, friends didn't kiss...right? He'd leave that question for another time. Perhaps time would give him a clearer answer.

With a wistful look at the lit cigarette, Judas took one last puff and tossed it to the ground, stamping it out. He took the lighter and the pack from his jacket pocket and set the package on fire. He waited until the flames started to die down before tossing it on the stone of the sidewalk and stamping out what was left of the flames. He made a mental note to buy a different brand.

Judas took his hand from hers only to wrap his arm around her shoulders. "There, any better?" He understood emotional pain and he wouldn't cause it to anyone willingly, especially not this sweet girl who had accepted him even after knowing the truth. "And it does matter...." More softly. "You matter."

[Esme M. Lolland]

Esme felt guilty just telling Judas what she did. It wasn't often that she shared her feelings with anyone, it's just not something you do willingly in the Lolland household, so she felt she was a burden just answering Judas's question. It didn't help her guilt that Judas put out his cigarette.

"No, you don't have to do that. I can deal," she protested as he ground out his cigarette on the sidewalk. That small act made her wonder what Judas saw in her, what Judas saw her as. No man who was just friends with a person would stop a vice just for their sanity. A true friend would keep doing it for fun. A stranger may stop, but no stranger would kiss another. This man was more confusing than he was cracked up to be.

What confused her most was that he would take out the entire pack and burn it. Either he was really caring, something he tried to hide from her the entire time he was with her, or he was crazy. Why crazy? She didn't know, it just seemed like the only other explanation to burning a perfectly good pack of ciggys.

He wrapped his arm around her and Esme kind of made her own decisions. He was two things, one: very caring, and two: headed towards being something more than a friend. "Yeah, a lot better, thanks." Esme said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and subconsciencely buried her head into his chest. She smirked as he said that she mattered, "Thank you, Judas."

[Judas]

Judas looked down at the girl in his arms. It felt right. He knew it was probably something brought on by his abandoning his self defense mechanisms for the first time in centuries. But still, that same part of him that had wanted to stop hiding wanted to believe that something more mystical was at work. He didn't dare put a name to it...like all good things, it wouldn't last.

He shook off her thanks, one night of acceptance couldn't override centuries of hatred. Judas would always be unaccustomed to gratitude. "Don't go all mushy on me now, kid. I might start to think you care." He winked down at her as a smirk crossed his face.

"Isn't it about your bedtime?" He asked, still half joking. Though he was still half serious, maybe his barriers were rebuilding themselves out of centuries of habit. He'd spent nearly two thousand years distancing himself from anyone and everyone, with very few exceptions, it would be ridiculous to think all that would change in a few short hours. What had happened tonight already was nothing short of incredible.

Half of him hoped she'd take it as a joke and spend the rest of the night with him, the other half was counting on her being insulted by his words. His thoughts raced, creating a new sort of confused torment to drown out the usual pain.

Parts of him wanted to cling to this girl and never let her leave his side. The rest of him could already feel the pain if the acceptance he'd found with her ever went away, it was like a dull ache in the center of his body. Better to have love and lost then never to have loved at all. The qoute echoed in his mind and he ignored it. The person who had written that qoute obviously had never lost love.

[Esme M. Lolland]

Esme giggled as Judas remarked he was afraid he would start to feel she cared, "We don't want that," she remarked as she looked up at his face. The wink made her heart skip a beat, she couldn't help but smile back at him.

She was surprised he was trying to get rid of her, but she couldn't conceal how curious she was of how long she had been with Judas. She pulled out her cell phone and checked the time, made a small noise of consent at the time and then looked back at Judas, "It't no where near my bedtime. Since I've moved out, I set my own bedtime, and I personally think it's still too early to go to bed."

She had no idea what Judas was expecting to come out of her mouth with that question, but she knew what she wanted from him. She didn't know whether he wanted her to stay or go, but she knew that she wanted to stay with him.

She knew that at some point someone would tell her that Judas wasn't the type of guy she needed. She knew that at some point people were going to try and force them apart. But she also knew that right now, and hopefully in the future as well, whatever any person told her wouldn't be able to sway her feelings towards Judas. He was so familiar in so many ways; so intriguing at the same time. He was the person who needed the most acceptance, and Esme knew had accepted him without pause. She needed to be with him, that was the only thing that mattered at that point.