Take 2 (Esme)

[Judas]

She was so determined, it really was sweet. He knew it was true, all that stuff about it taking more muscles to frown than to smile. The only problem was that by now he was pretty sure that his muscles were frozen in the 'frown' position. It had been only slightly under two thousand years, it was possible. Besides, anyone living, or not living, with the agony of a burning soul had earned the right to frown. Right?

Looking at Esme, it was hard to hold on the his self-righteous conviction. The way she looked at him, so trusting, so determined, so..kind. He watched her hand as it came closer to his face. He couldn't move, no that wasn't right, he didn't want to move. He wanted to feel her soft skin against his cheek.

The moment her fingers touched his skin, he felt more alive than he had in centuries. It wasn't just that she was touching him, it was the sick hope that welled up inside him that maybe she'd wanted to touch him. A cruel little voice inside him said that maybe she didn't care what he was, that she wanted him anyway. He knew it was a dangerous hope, but he still couldn't force it back down again. There was no squashing the feeling this girl brought out in him this time, no shoving that hope back down where it belonged.

Before he knew what he was doing, Judas had covered the hand on his cheek with one of his own and he was kissing her. He pressed his lips against hers, gently at first and then with more force. There was no thought of being rejected, only of how good her lips felt against his, and all the while that little nagging voice in the back of his head kept telling him that all he was doing was setting himself up for another fall.

[Esme M. Lolland]

Esme knew that she should take back her hand, every fibre of her being was fully and utterly aware of that one simple fact. Judas had made it so painfully clear that he didn't want to be touched, that he didn't want to connect himself with humanity, with mortality, with her. But why was it that even after she was so aware of that simple fact she still couldn't gather the strength to pull away.

No longer than she had felt that she should move her hand, Judas had placed his own over her's. The mere feeling that rushed through her as his hand encompassed her. The joy she felt that he was okay with her hand on his cheek was more than enough.

And then he was leaning down towards her, and she felt herself moving towards as if drawn by a magnet. And his lips were on hers, at first she kissed back softly but later gave in, falling prey to his lips. She knew that this kiss was his will but there was still a part of her that warned her that it wasn't what he wanted, truly, it wasn't what she wanted. But for some reason, that part of her seemed so utterly ignorant of her true wants, her true needs.

At this point in her life she felt she needed a kiss like this, and the man that came along with it. She wouldn't pull away, not when she needed him so much, when she wanted him so much. If this truly has to end, at least let it last long enough for me to remember it, Esme mentally begged.

[Judas]

He could almost feel her surrender to the kiss and when she didn't pull back, that nagging voice in the back of his head got quieter. It was impossible to hold onto the thought that this was just going to end in more pain. Even if it did, he wasn't sure that he'd be able to regret something that felt so good. It wasn't just the kiss, it was the fact that she knew what, if not who, he was and she didn't care.

Judas unwrapped his hands from hers to cradle her face, one hand on each of her cheeks. He used his hands to deepen the kiss and ran his tongue along her lips. Everything about this moment was perfect. The way he felt, the way Esme tasted, how soft her skin was under his hands. For the first time in a he couldn't remember how long, he felt normal, like he belonged.

He surrendered to the kiss completely, ignoring his thoughts when they screamed at him that this was not a good idea. He licked, nibbled and teased along her lips. It was like some of the girl's positive outlook on life rubbed off on him. His hands moved from her face slowly down to rest on her hips, enjoying the feel of the curves of her body beneath the cloth.

It was when he felt the curves of her hips, so close to other things, that the thoughts broke through. He couldn't. She was so bright, so innocent, she would end up with a sweet and innocent guy, she deserved that. Judas gently pulled back and planted one last gentle kiss on Esme's lips before reluctantly removing his hands from her hips. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."

[Esme M. Lolland]

Esme loved the feel of Judas's kiss, how perfect it felt to her. Perfection had always been so little and so far in between, making her appreciate what was perfect. This was one of those few perfect things. It never crossed her mind once how wrong this may have been, for the both of them, because how could anything so right ever be wrong?

When he let go of her hand she let it slide down his cheek and the nape of his neck. Esme's fingers gently began to rub his neck as he deepened the kiss. Quickly she forgot every part of life as it was, her troubles disappeared. It seemed that in this large and dangerous world, the only people that mattered were Judas and herself.

His hands slowly drifted to her hips and Esme relished the feel of his hands roaming her body's curves. When his hands finally landed on her hip they felt like they were made to stay in that spot. His hands just seemed to fit.

But all too quickly he pulled away, leaving one last sweet kiss on her lips, and an apology for her ears. Her hands fell from his neck reluctantly as he took his hands from her hip. She looked wounded, hurt, how could he apologize for something that they both knew was all too right. "No, don't apologize. I liked it," she stopped and corrected herself, "I wanted it."

She looked at him concernedly. There was something troubling him, but she couldn't stop her selfish tendencies. She wanted this moment to be about her wants, and right now she wanted him. But there was the logical part of her mind that reminded her that no matter how much she wished for him, there was still a part of him that wished to be alone.

[Judas]

He saw the wounded look on her face a second before she said that she'd wanted the kiss. His hand started reaching towards her face without his permission and when he noticed it, he pulled it back fiercly to his side.

He gave her a look like a drowning man. How could she come in and in one night sweep aside all the carefully built walls he'd put between him and the rest of the world? "Don't tell me things like that, it's not fair." He shook his head. "Dont you understand? What am I thinking, of course you don't. How could you?" He turned away so he wouldn't have to see her face. He wanted to tell her, make her understand so that she'd stay away but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He didn't want to see her be disgusted by the truth of everything.

But he still had to make her understand that he wasn't good for her. He settled for half the truth. "I'm a demon, damned, burning in hell, no soul! Now do you see?" He made himself calm down before he blurted the rest out. "I'm no good for you, kid."

[Esme M. Lolland]

How could he write off her will like it was a tease? "I'm not saying things just to say things. I'm not trying to be unfair, I genuinely feel that way."

He turned away from her and Esme took a step towards him, hoping to get his attention, "Understand what?" She started to reach towards his shoulder but decided against it. She grabbed one hand with the other and held them both under her chin in an attempt to stop them from moving. She stood silently, maybe he'd explain what he was getting at... maybe.

Eventually he explained why she shouldn't like him. How was she supposed to dislike someone who she had grown so comfortable with just because they were damned? She sighed and looked at Judas's back with as much compassion as she possibly could, hoping that some of it would penetrate his exterior... to reach the heart she knew was there somewhere. "How is the fact that you're a demon supposed to change my opinion on what just happened? About how much I like being around you? About how I feel about you? Because, truth be told, it doesn't matter to me, not in the least."

[Judas]

A small part of his heart melted at her swearing she meant what she'd said. Judas wanted desperately wanted to believe her. He even could, to an extent, but she didn't know everything. If she knew who he really was then she'd hate him, just like the rest of the world. He saw her hand reach towards him before she caught it and was disappointed and grateful all at the same time that she hadn't touched him again.

Her next words stunned him and he spun around to face her. "You don't care that I'm an unholy spawn of hell?" Alright so technically he hadn't been spawned from hell but a demon was a demon. "You don't care that my whole existence is dragging damned souls down to hell?"

Judas was caught up in the moment, in his emotions. She was getting to close, she was already to close. He had to push her away somehow because if it was his choice then it couldn't hurt, not like if she were the one who left. He could make other excuses to himself but that was the truth of things and he knew it.

"I'm the real Judas, the original one from the bible! The ultimate betrayer! Do you care about that?!" He said in an intense whisper near her ear. It was stupid, he knew it the second the words left his mouth. She was going to be living with them, there wasn't any real way to distance himself from her and now she knew everything. Stupid.

[Esme M. Lolland]

He had asked if she didn't care. It wasn't an innocent question like the ones that constantly fell from her lips but one tainted in spite and hatred. He hated that she didn't care that he was a demon, and she supposed he had reason to be. He had never been told by a human that they accepted him, probably, the closest he had ever gotten was the Council. He probably never even took the time to let a human get close enough to trust him in the first place.

She shook her head as he spit the questions at her, "No, I honestly don't care."

He was moved closely to her ear and whispered that he was the true Judas, and Esme's mind started to reel. She went all the way back to her opening conversation, when she felt as if she was the smartest person in the world because she figured out his name. That moment felt like years ago. She bit her lip, trying to think of Judas as the one that she was brought up thinking was Christ's murderer. Judas and Pontius Pilate worked hand in hand to kill Jesus, but Esme knew better. Years of religious study had taught her better.

She didn't blame Judas, and at this point she felt he was in no way connected to that man. Of course, he was still Judas from Jesus' time, but he was someone else too. He was the man that Esme had heard stories about from Vlad, the man who had gone drinking with her only an hour or two before. Judas was the same man who joked and put flowers in his hair to suffice her, he was the same man who kissed her so passionately. She couldn't call him evil after actually spending an evening with him.

She sighed, "I don't hold your past against you. I mean, if I paid attention to my theology classes correctly, there was probably something happening that either you turned in Jesus or you would have been punished. And it wasn't you who killed him but rather the people who asked for the murderer rather than Jesus to be freed. And if I truly wanted to blame anyone more, I could join the multitudes who truly blame that deed on Pontius Pilate, which is also wrong because he tried to help as well, but I digress. I don't blame you.

"Besides, even knowing who you are, I still see you as the Judas that I've spent the past few hours with. Not this person that I've spent a lifetime learning about. You may have done those things before, but you aren't the type of person that the centuries painted you to be." Slowly Esme reached towards his hand, but she didn't grab it, she was content with just feeling her skin on his, if he would accept her explanation then perhaps he would take her hand, that was all she wished for at that point.

[Judas]

Judas could feel the shock on his face and let the surprise eat away at his anger. She honestly didn't care? He had a hard time wrapping his mind around the possibility. He could understand why Jonas hadn't cared, the man carried a demon inside of him. But how could a human girl just dismiss the fact that he was possibly the most hated figure in history?

The amount that she knew about his past surprised him. Most didn't think beyond the fact that Jesus had died and that he'd been blamed for it. She knew so much about it, and she still didn't hate him? He felt like he was dreaming. If he was, then he hoped he stayed asleep.

One sentence kept ringing in his mind. 'I don't hold your past against you.' He'd needed to hear that for so long from someone other than the council. The council was his family, which meant their opinions didn't count for much. He loved them as much as he was capable of loving anyone but they'd all done something they weren't proud of in the past so Judas had figured they couldn't blame his on him.

He smirked and shook his head when she said that he wasn't the person that history had made him out to be. "Thanks, kid." This time instead of a joke, kid was an endearment. Where had this girl been for the past two thousand years? He felt her hand resting against his and with a deep breath moved his hand to grasp hers. There was no point in resisting the effect this girl had on him any longer, he couldn't. So as long as he was going down in flames, he might as well enjoy it while he could.

[Esme M. Lolland]

Esme saw the surprise on his face. Had he never really had someone accept him so easily as she had? She knew that the Council had accepted him, but they were probably like annoying siblings who always said they loved you when you knew that what you did wasn't worth the love and that they didn't really mean it.

She smiled when he thanked her, calling her kid. She felt that this term would sooner or later be used as a sort of nickname, the amount of times he used it in the few moments. At this point she didn't care. Hell, he could call her 'kid' all of the time, she'd just be happy if he was happy.

She couldn't fight back the happiness that overwhelmed her when Judas took her hand, she knew that his better judgement may not want to get so close to her, but the fact that he did showed that some part of him wanted it. She squeezed his hand and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.